Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Rachel Ng, a year one student from your technical communication class. I am currently pursuing a degree in Telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2020 with a Diploma in Electrical Engineering, specializing in engineering management. As Singapore is headed towards the smart nation initiative, I want to play a part in making us an outstanding city for people to live, work and play in.
In the aspect of communication, I find myself being comfortable speaking in front of people I have at least spoken to once. My life revolved around holding leadership positions and competitive floorball for almost 10 and 7 years, respectively. Holding various leadership positions and being part of a team sport has shaped me to become the person I am today and allowed me to truly understand the importance of communication. Adapting to every unique situation was hard to grasp at the start but something I had grown into after all these years. Personally, understanding how the crowd is feeling is very important as it allows me to resonate with them.
On the contrary, I find myself panicking when put in front of a huge crowd and having to be the only speaker. Afraid to make any mistakes, I tend to focus on delivering a perfect speech or presentation which adds on to the immense pressure. This has caused me to blank out completely or utter words that cannot seem to be processed by my brain at that very moment. To make up for the awkward silence, I would speak my mind without processing the information which makes it very risky.
With a bigger picture in mind, I hope to be able to take the speak more confidently and comfortably in front of huge crowds as well as expressing my thoughts more adequately in written form by the end of this module.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Rachel Ng
Commented on: Paul and Gwen
Edited (14/10/2020):
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Rachel Ng, a year one student from your technical communication class. I am currently pursuing a degree in Telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2020 with a Diploma in Electrical Engineering, specializing in engineering management. As Singapore is headed towards the smart nation initiative, I want to play a part in making us an outstanding city for people to live, work and play in. With the limited resources we have in this country, it is essential to know how to maximise everything.
In the aspect of communication, I find myself being comfortable speaking in front of people I have at least spoken to once. My life revolved around holding leadership positions and competitive floorball for almost 10 and 7 years, respectively. Holding various leadership positions and being part of a team sport has shaped me to become the person I am today and allowed me to truly understand the importance of communication. Adapting to every unique situation was hard to grasp at the start but something I have grown into after all these years. Personally, understanding how the crowd is feeling is very important as it allows me to resonate with them.
However, I find myself panicking when put in front of a huge crowd and having to be the only speaker. Afraid to make any mistakes, I tend to focus on delivering a perfect speech or presentation which adds on to the immense pressure. This has caused me to blank out completely or utter words that cannot seem to be processed by my brain at that very moment. To make up for the awkward silence, I would speak my mind without processing the information which makes it very risky.
With a bigger picture in mind, I hope to be able to take the speak more confidently and comfortably in front of huge crowds as well as expressing my thoughts more adequately in written form by the end of this module.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Rachel Ng
Dear Professor Brad,
My sincere apologies for the late reply. Thank you for your valuable feedback. I have understood how to use the correct verb and words in a sentence and I will be sure to improve on it. I will also provide more details in my next letter.
Cheers,
Rachel
Dear Paul,
My sincere apologies for the late reply. Thank you for taking the time to read through my introduction and providing me constructive feedback. I will be sure to elaborate more.
Cheers,
Rachel
Dear Gwen,
My sincere apologies for the late reply. I appreciate the time taken to read my introduction and I will be sure to include the relevant information based on your feedback.
Cheers,
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Thank you for your sharing in this detailed and informative letter. We readers learn quite a bit about you. I'm happy to know that you feel comfortable enough with the class that you can share not just that you have held leadership posts but also that you have some insecurity when you speak before large groups. We won't be able to simulate large crowds in our class, but still, you'll have to present in front of us several times. Hopefully, practice makes perfect.
There are a few language issues that you need to address to make this letter more impactful:
verb use
-- ...something I had grown into after all these years. > (tense) something I have grown…
Dear Rachel,
It was a pleasure reading your letter. Elaborations on your achievements and how it made you who you are was well-written. May want to elaborate a little on the part about how you intend to play a part towards the nation through Telematics.
Overall, good content and well organized letter.
Cheers,
Paul